Games Church People Play

Games People Play in Church

What Do You Mean, "Games" People Play in Church?

Have you ever had the opportunity to read Eric Berne's "Games People Play," which was popularized in the 1970s? It was based on a theory of psycho-social behavior called "transactional analysis" and attempted to take interactioins between people, analyze the dialogue, and reduce the transaction to the "games" people tend to play.

This analysis is most interesting when applied to the sorts of attitudes, arguments and defenses that one typically hears in a local church situation. Take, for example, game No. 1.

GAME NUMBER ONE: "No Recognition for Me, Thank You!"

One of the "games" church people play has to do with a kind of assumed modesty that is, at heart, of a passive-aggressive nature. Here's the structure of this game and how it works, as seen from inside the church member:
  1. I gave something to you folks.
  2. You come to me, you want to thank me.
  3. That threatens me. You're getting too close, and your "thanking" me can make you superior.
  4. So I refuse you. I refuse to let you praise me. I am self-sufficient. I don't need your praise or your thanks.
  5. Therefore I am not a part of this Body. I have my own reasons. I am not vulnerable to you. You can't interfere. I am protected from you.
  6. I have escaped the necessity to share my life with this group. I have affirmed that I am not vulnerable in this group.

This is a game that is fairly widespread in the church, as it is in all other circles of society. It is not unique to the church by any means. It is part of the human condition, the "sinful nature" the self-willed aspect of humanness. It is a way to fend off the caring and nurture that the Body would give us. It is a way not to get involved. It is a way to spurn and be "more than" or "superior to" others in the Body who wish to praise and thank us for what we have done.

But it is a game, and we have to recognize it for what it is. It must have nothing whatever to do with how the Body of Christ actually makes its recognition policy. The Body can't be dragged down by the passive-aggressive games of those whose spiritual journey has not progressed far enough to allow them to be vulnerable and be thanked.

GAME NUMBER TWO: "Hamstring The Pastor"

In this game, a select group fo leaders, who many times are not giving what they could, are intent on keeping the pastor from knowing the pledges and actual giving amounts of the members of the church. Under this game, the pastor is the only CEO in town who does not know the "buying habits" of his "customers." Here's the structure of this game:
  1. The pastor is in charge of dispensing spiritual nurture
  2. We want to make sure that everybody gets the same treatment, the same spiritual nurture.
  3. The pastor, being human like the rest of us, would play "favorites" if (s)he knew what some of us gave. And we don't want that to happen.
  4. So we had best keep from the pastor the information about who gives what
  5. An additional advantage here is that if we ever decide to expand this church and build a new sanctuary or education wing, we won't be hounded by the pastor to make really sacrificial pledges, because the pastor won't know what's sacrificial and what's not.

This game is more often played in churches where the incomes of most of the leadership persons are fairly substantial, and where they have been fortunate enough to have been given a pastor for whom money is essentially evil. The desire of the leadership to keep their true commitment to the church is balanced by the pastor's need NOT to know the truth where money is concerned.

GAME NUMBER THREE: "I Never Pledge!"

This is a game that is mostly on the way out, as record-keeping gets easier and more and more local church volunteers have computers. But it is occasionally heard. Here is the structure of this game:
  1. If I tell them what I make each year, they'll start demanding 5% and then maybe even 10% and I would be forced to re-prioritize the things I spend my money on.
  2. So I'll complain that every year it's different, and that I never know from one year to the next what I'm going to be making.
  3. I can also talk about the spirit "moving" people to give to causes that come up during the year, and things like that.
  4. I generally manage my money so carefully that I can squirrel a good bit back each year to spend on the things that I want to spend them on. My family doesn't know how much I make either. But that's just as well.
  5. At the end of the year if the church gets in a pinch, I'll look like a real hero when I write that big check that bails 'em out just in time.
  6. That gives me just exactly the control I'm looking for. If I told them at the beginning of the year what I was going to give for the whole year, they'd want an equal part each month. And to top it off, I'd have to actually give that much in order not to look bad.
  7. So pledging is out for me. It takes away too much from the excitement of personal money management!

OTHER GAMES
Coming Soon to this Webpage:

  1. Surprise! It's a Budget Deficit!
  2. Don't tell Aunt Rhody
  3. Read the Bible? About money? Nah!
  4. Who Needs Results?
  5. I Just Can't Ask for Money
  6. Hide and Seek Decision Making
... and many more humorously, ironically true "Games People Play in Church!"

Let us know what your church needs,
or send your questions or comments to
John G. Fike, CFRE, Executive Director of the UM Foundation
at
johnfike@msn.com

Catalog Of Topics

(Click on a button and go right away to:)

UM Foundation Report on Fund Performance UM Foundation Investment Policy
How to Set Up an Endowment Fund How to Market an Endowment Fund
Endowment Primer:
The Basics and Background 		Gifts People Can Give to Your Endowment Fund
Workshops Available to Your Church Sample Endowment Resolution
Stewardship Strategies & Issues for Local Churches Stewardship & the Individual Spiritual Journey
Frequently Asked Questions Keeping Fund Raising "Spiritual"
Financial Policy for a Local Church Fund Raising Strategies for Local Churches
What is The "Case for Support?" Games Church People Play
Prospect Capability Matrix:
Who can Give How Much? 		A Capital Campaign Gift Pyramid:
Where Will the $$ Come From?

United Methodist Foundation

This file was updated 12/30/2001